i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
