If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
