I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
