I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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