Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
