can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
