Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
