Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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