I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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