nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I love you. Go after that dick
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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