i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
