I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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