My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
