i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
