Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
