Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
