He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
