We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
