the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
