You work out of a Hotel?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
