The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
