We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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