Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
