if i died would you start the facebook group?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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