I think im going to throw up on grandma
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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