i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
