Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
