May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
