i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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