It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
