In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
