im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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