3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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