I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
