Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
