plz talk dirty to me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
