I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
