I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
