Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
