Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
