she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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