Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
