great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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