i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
