I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
