Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
