so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i will never coherently bang her
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
