so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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