btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
time to smoke my breakfast
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
