Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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