Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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