He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
