I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
