If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
