I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
