He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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