New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
