fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
